Hello Jellyheads I’m back – big shocker right? A new blog post from me after what seems like forever! I’ll go back to where I pressed paused for a little hiatus…
When I started blogging I always knew I wanted my niche to be all things plus size. After all that’s what I know. I’m part of this amazing community that welcomes you with open arms right? I didn’t think I’d find it such a problem. But the reality is I did. It didn’t take long for all those teenage insecurities to come creeping back in. I was trying to be consistent. Most of my posts are plus size related with the occasional life post or book post. But what I found was I began to gradually put more and more pressure on myself to compete.
My conscious was saying it doesn’t matter what others are doing just do you. My subconscious was saying everyone else is better than you, getting more page views than you, getting more comments than you, getting more retweets than you, getting more interaction than you. The sad reality is as much as you try to push this aside eventually it takes it toll. I just didn’t feel like I was good enough or that I belonged.
I’d look at Twitter chats and couldn’t find where I’d fit in, I’d look at Instagram stories with a tinge of green because everyone else seemed to be doing something amazing apart from me. Like many I don’t have money to spend of lots of clothes to review and the only people saying this isn’t a problem is people that are established with brands or doing 2 or 3 outfit posts a week. Everyone seemed to be part of the community apart from me.
In the blink of an eye I was 14 year old Kelly again. I was spending too much time worrying if people liked me, if I was ok and if I even “fitted” in. It was like I was seeking approval from people I didn’t even know and for those who actually know me know this isn’t me. That was when I decided perhaps I needed to take a little break. Just to step back and press pause.
So back in October I put my last blog post out. It wasn’t intended on being my last post but it just worked out that way. It had the intention of just taking a short break and putting some content out in time for Christmas. I carried on with my social media. Slowly growing my Instagram but nothing on my actual blog. Then I realised a couple of weeks became a couple more weeks and then a couple more weeks and before I knew it we were starting February.
But finally, at last, I can feel myself coming out the other side and I’m really happy about it and feeling quite positive about it. It’s something I want to do and for the most part it’s something I actually enjoy. I think I needed the little hiatus to refocus myself and remember why I started in the first place. I need to not to get caught up in the amazingness of everyone else and remember my own amazingness. Just do me and if there isn’t room for me at the table then make my own table.